Confused State Of Mind

A cold morning today. So cold that I switched off the air con & winded down the window when driving Jeff to work just now. It was quite misty all the way from my place to Jeff's work place. At some areas, I could see the mist enshroud the trees in a backdrop of beautiful blue sky. For that half an hour journey, I was at peace.

That was, until I got home. My mom started yelling & ranting about having to take care of 3 dogs & having to bring Wang Wang downstairs, that Puggy keeps pushing the playpen until it's all out of position, smearing shit on the floor etc, etc. I've told her many times before that she should let Puggy out to play when he's done his business. If you're just going to coop him up in the playpen the whole day, he'll just use his pent up energy to push the playpen. But she kept giving excuses like he'll do his business on the floor. What's there to shit or pee when you've just cleared your bladder & bowel???

I wondered how & why I strayed from my original intention of fostering Wang Wang until someone suitable adopted him. It doesn't help matters that my dad asked Wang Wang to pick out 4 numbers & he actually striked 4D. Although it wasn't a lot of money at $100, he came to believe that Wang Wang brings money luck which is what he always wanted & has always tried to manipulate by following feng shui tips he heard or read. Just look at the countless furniture movement, bowls of water on the dinning table, fish tank facing the main door, a manual weighing scale that TMC shops use hanging at the kitchen window & etc.

Perhaps becoz of that, my dad has been treating Wang Wang very well & it led to a change in Ton Ton's temperament which I believe is due to negligence. He'll become very subdued whenever Wang Wang is around. He no longer runs out to greet us when we get home. He no longer do his guard duty by barking at people walking by which was taken over by Wang Wang. He doesn't respond when called, stick to me like glue when Wang Wang comes near, doesn't play with Puggy & Wang Wang anymore.

But when Wang Wang goes out for his business trips, he's back to his normal self. He'll play with Puggy, he'll stray away from me, he no longer pretends to be a mute. My dad will definitely not allow Wang Wang to be adopted. Even if he does, I'll feel like I've let Wang Wang down. Yet at the same time, I can't bear to see Ton Ton like this. It's a bad situation to be in.