Overwhelmed By Nostalgia

In preparation for the new puppy who's coming to us at the end of March, I'm tidying up my room & throwing away unwanted stuff. At the same time, I'll dog proof the rooms. It's tedious work really. I have to go through tons & tons of papers. I'm really a junk person you see.

As I went through my things, some of them were from my primary school days. I wrote a lot back in primary & secondary school. A lot of feelings about my now ex-boyfriends. A lot of feelings about friends who used to be. I even dug out photos that I forgotten had existed. It brought me back to all those years before.

The feelings that came were not of sorrow nor regrets. Mostly amusement. Though I felt a tinge of regret throwing away all these memories on paper. The whole time I knew very clearly what's to stay & what's to go. Things that have been going unnoticed will go. If I didn't even know that it's there, then whatever contents it held is of no importance anymore. I threw away a lot, keeping a few that had more sentimental values. I felt like I'm leaving the old life behind, throwing out the old life & embracing a new one.

I'm not done despite hours spent. I've only cleared like 1 tenth of my bookshelf, delayed by stopping to read some of the accounts I wrote so many years ago. Of course, having kept every single little thing didn't help. Well, I'm done for the day. Just gotta continue another day. Somehow I felt very peaceful. We can never separate who we are from our past. Throwing away physical evidence does not equal erasing what has been deeply etched into our being. There's no more anger, no more regrets, no more sorrows. Maybe that's when we can start living for today. By not looking back.