It's My Off Day Tomorrow!

Well, tomorrow being Thursday, 16th June. I had dinner with Gen at Marina South today after work. Got home around 11.30 pm, had a shower and sat in front of my com since. Could have done this earlier but my mom came in and talked to me. Chit chatted isn't the word. Talked is.

She told me about my dad being out of job again. How many jobs has he been in since after CNY? 6? 7? I've lost count. She's thinking about going back to work. I guess if it isn't too physically taxing, it should be alright. At least she'll have something to do.

Darepheus's latest blog triggered something off in me. Inside, etched my deepest fear. Just like Darepheus said, people come into your life unexpectedly and becomes important to you. Then just as unexpectedly, they leave and gradually, they lose their importance to you. Sometimes your memories are triggered off by a dream or song or letters that you thought were long gone. Sometimes, along with the memories, feelings and emotions are once again brought up to the surface. In a person's lifetime, there're bound to be many losses. But the knowledge doesn't make it anymore less painful.

I wish I have absolute certainty that when someone passes away, you'll get to see him/her somewhere, sometime. That there is a place for all souls to go and eventually, everyone will meet up again. But I fear that death is the ultimate end. If it is, then the moment you breathe your last, all memories flee from your mind, just like when you fall asleep. No more thoughts forming. Then you have no more fears of not seeing your loved ones again.

I can understand how true monks can put everything down and devote themselves to their religion. People say, "You come into this world with nothing and with nothing you'll leave this world." They know that having attachments to people or things of this world will only bring about suffering. Therefore they can let go. Therefore they're at peace. So I guess I'm destined to a life of suffering. Coz I'll never be able to let go.