I Wish I Believe

This was written last night but the internet had been down over the weekend at my work place & I didn't get a chance to put it up. Have you ever met someone you felt you knew even though you've never seen this person in your life before? I had. He was a teacher from my primary school. He 1st joined the school when I was in primary 5. He was to take over this female teacher who left the school to teach her class, 5CC.

After the streaming exams, you'll stick to the same class till you graduate. So the classmates from 5CC will promote with you to 6C. I was in 5BB, followed by 6B. Difference in the single & double alphabets means the session. Example, 5C is morning session, while 5CC is afternoon session. & all of us, from primary 1 will study in alternate sessions. So if you start primary 1 in afternoon session, you'll start primary 2 in morning, primary 3 in afternoon & so on.

He never taught me coz I wasn't in his class. But yet I felt that I knew him, with a strange sort of connection. So it always felt weird when his presence was near. I wonder if he's still teaching in my primary school.

So why did I bring this up? I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but whenever I'm sick, I get this strong sense of deja vu. & it never fails to bring back old memories & feelings.

Have we met before? What's this strange peculiar sort of feeling? Had we a past life, I'll say perhaps I knew you from before...

I don't know what to believe. Is there such things like karma, past lives, heaven & hell? If I believe in 1, then I have to believe in all. Nobody can prove that either of these exists.

If you ask me, then I'd rather believe in heaven & hell. It'll mean that death is not the end & makes it less scary. But that will mean that we have to repay our debts. Is this karma then?

What separates good & evil is just a thin line. The heart. Was your heart's intention evil when you make a decision? Then that also means nobody but God knows. Which in turn means I have to believe in God.

Faith is believing without seeing, without proof. God said that we can perform miracles if we have faith as tiny as a mustard seed. Now, I've never seen a mustard seed before. I don't know how small it is. But I can safely say that I have faith smaller than a quarter of a mustard seed.

I doubt. But in my heart there's this hope that God exists. Becoz if not, everything good we've all done would have been in vain & it will mean that evil triumphs.